How to win friends and influence people – earn money
At the beginning of S. XX, Dale Carnegie realized that no one knew how it could persuade people. In the book “How to win friends and influence people”, based on personal experience and many more people, lists some simple rules that can be observed substantially changing their lives. Bestseller in its day, after a break into oblivion, is again raging today. In fact, much of modern marketing is based on his ideas. Below you can read an excerpt from the book.
RULE 1. Do not criticize, not condemn or complain. Criticism is futile because it puts the other person on the defensive, and usually try to justify ago, also trying to censor his opponent. Criticism is dangerous, because it hurts their pride and arouses resentment. Instead of condemning people, try to understand it. Try to imagine why they do what they do. “Do not judge or you will be deemed” New Testament. When dealing with people we must remember that not dealing with logical creatures. We deal with emotional creatures, creatures bristling with prejudices and driven by pride and vanity. “Do not speak ill of any man and any good to tell you everything you know” Benjamin Franklin.
RULE 2. Show honest and sincere appreciation. There is only one way to make someone do something, and that is to make others want to do (personal gain), which will be productive. “Everything that you and I do arises from two reasons: the sex drive andthe desire to be great” Dr. Sigmund Freud. “The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important,” Dr. John Dewey. Many people who go mad or commit suicide in that state found that sense of its importance could not get into the world of reality. Now imagine the miracles that you and I can achieve if we give to others an honest assessment of their importance. “I think the greatest asset I have is my ability to arouse enthusiasm among people, and how to develop the best there is in man is through the appreciation and encouragement. Nothing can kill both the ambitions of a person as criticism of his superiors. I would never criticize anyone. I think they should give a person an incentive to work. So I am always eager to praise, but I am reluctant to find fault. If I like something, I’m hot in my approval and generous in my praise “Charles Schwab. Often take for granted as the presence of our spouse who never express our appreciation. We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but rarely feed their self-esteem. The difference between appreciation and flattery is very simple. One is sincere and the other not. “I will once this way, so that any good that can do or any courtesy you may have for any human being, it is now. Do not leave for tomorrow, or forget, because never again will I go through here. ” Dale Carnegie. “Every man I meet is my superior in some sense. In that sense, I learn from him.” Emerson.
RULE 3. Wake up to others a craving. The only means we have to influence others is to talk about what he wants and show you how to get it. “The action arises from what we want and basically the best advice I can give to those who seek to be persuasive, whether in business, at home, at school or in politics is this: First, arouse in the other person a frank desire. Who can do is get the whole world .. who can not march just for the way “Dr. Henry A, Overstreet. “If there’sa secret to success lies in the ability to appreciate the views of others and see things from that perspective as well as his own” Henry Ford. If a seller can demonstrate that its services or products will help us solve our problems, it will strive to sell anything. The few individuals who selflessly try to serve others have huge advantages. There is no competition against them. “The man who can put in the place of others who can understand the workings of the mind of others, does not have to worry about the future.” Owen D. Young
Six Ways to please others
RULE 1. Be curious Let the other person. You can make more friends in two months if one is interested in others, those who would gain in two years if it makes others interested in one. The individual who is not interested in his fellow’s who has the greatest difficulties in life and cause the greatest injury to others. Of these individuals emerge all human failures. For years I have been anxious to know the birthdays of my friends. The interest, like everything else in human relationships, must be sincere.
RULE 2. Smile. Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says: “I like you. I cause happiness. I’m so glad to see it.” I speak of a true smile that gladdens the heart, which comes from within, that is worth good money in mercado.Tiene you enjoy when you meet people, if you wait for others to enjoy themselves when they meet you. If you are alone, whistle or hum or sing. Proceed as if it were happy and that will help to make him happy. Everyone seeks happiness, and there is a sure way to find it. Is to control our thoughts. Happiness does not depend on external conditions, depends on internal conditions. It is what we have or what we are or where we are or what we do, none of that, what makes us happy or unhappy. It’s what we think about it all. “Most people are as happy as they decide to be” Abraham Lincoln. “The man whose face does not smile should not open a shop” Chinese proverb. The value of a smile: It costs nothing but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in the blink of an eye, and his memory sometimes lasts forever. Nobody is so rich that it can do without it and none so poor that they can be enriched by its benefits. It creates happiness in the home, encouraged by the good will is the password losnegocios friends. It is rest for the weary, light for the disappointed, the sad sun, and the best antidote to worry. But it can not be bought, ordered, borrowed or stolen, it is not something anyone pays for unless provided spontaneous and free. For nobody needs a smile so much as one whom is not any to give.
RULE 3. Remember that for every person, his name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Jim Farley discovered early in his life that ordinary men are more interested in its own name for all other land. Make the effort to learn the name (pay attention). The name of the individual set apart, what makes you unique among all others. The information we give, or the question we ask, take a special importance when we add the name of our party.
RULE 4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. I did think I was a good conversationalist when, in fact, was not only a good listener. “The person who speaks only of himself, only thinking about himself, the person who only thinks of himself lacks any education,” Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler. Remember that the person you are talking a hundred times more interested in themselves and in their needs and problems that you and your problems.
RULE 5. Always speak of what will interest others. Speaking in terms of the interests of another person is beneficial to both parties.
RULE 6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. What is it that you can honestly admire? Always try the other person feel important. “Do unto others as you want that done to you neighbor. Jesus of Nazareth. We all want the approval of all those with whom he comes in contact. We want to recognize our merits. We want to feel our importance in his little world. We do not want to hear flattery cheaper without sincerity, but yearn for an honest assessment. For life to completely change a person can be enough to make someone feel important. Talk to people about themselves and listen for hours.
Get others AS YOU THINK
RULE 1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid. Why prove to a man who is wrong? Have you to please with that? Why not let him save his dignity? Do not asked for an opinion. He did not need. Why argue with him? We must always avoid the acute angle. There is only one way to get the better of an argument, avoid it. “If you dispute and fighting and conflicts, can achieve a victory sometimes, but will be an empty victory, because they never get the good will of the opponent” Benjamin Franklin. Think, then, do you prefer to have it: a victory academic, theatrical, or good will of a man? Rarely will the two. “Hatred is never overcome by hatred but by love” and a never-ending misunderstanding due to an argument but thanks to the tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sincere desire to appreciate the views of others. “Do not waste time on personal discussions the person who is determined to be as much as possible, let alone be exposed to the consequences, even to the ruin of his character and the loss of serenity. CEDED in great things about which can not display more than equal rights, and ceded to the smaller but you are clearly their own. It is better to give way to a dog than be bitten by him to dispute that right. Not even killing the dog would be cured of the bite ” Abraham Lincoln. To prevent a disagreement becomes a discussion: Accept the disagreement (When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.), Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to correct before committing a grave error. Distrust your first instinctive impression. Control your character. First listen, give your opponent the opportunity to speak, let him finish. Look for areas of agreement, setting out first of all the points and areas where they disagree. Be honest, look for points where you can admit your mistake and do it, apologize for their mistakes, that disarmed his opponents and reduce defensiveness. Pledge to think and analyze carefully the ideas of his opponents, and do it seriously, his opponents may be right. Thank your opponents sincerely for your interest. Postpone action so that both sides have time to rethink the problem (suggest another meeting). When two people screaming, no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.
RULE 2. Show respect for the opinions of others. Never tell a person who is wrong. Do not start announcing ever: I’m going to prove so and so. Makes you want to hear who battle with you, before you begin speaking. If you are going to prove something, you do not know anyone. Do it subtly, with such skill that nobody thinks he’s doing. “We have to teach men as if they were taught, and suggest things like forgotten ignored” Alexander Pope. If someone makes a statement that the opinion of you is wrong-yes, even when you know you’re wrong-it’s much better to start by saying: Well, listen. I think otherwise, but maybe I’m wrong. “Sometimes we notice that we change their minds without any resistance, without excitement, but if we are told that we were wrong to charge us angry, and harden the heart,” James Harvey Robinson. “Our first reaction to most of the propositions (which we hear in the mouths of others) is an evaluation or trial, before an understanding” Carl Rogers. “Get in line quickly with your adversary” Never argue with the client or the spouse or the opponent. Do not say you’re wrong, do not get angry, use a little tact, diplomacy.
RULE 3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. If we know that anyway they will show our mistake, do not forge ahead uch better and recognize ourselves? Not uch easier to hear criticism of our lips lips censorship of others? Say you own all the derogatory things you know are thinking the other person or means, or intends to say, and suggest them before he has had a chance of delivery, and remove the right to speak. When we are right, then try to attract, gently and tactfully, others to our way of thinking, and when we were wrong-very often, indeed, as soon as we are honest with ourselves, quickly and enthusiastically admit the failure. “Fighting will not ever get enough, but giving up is achieved more than expected”.
RULE 4. Begin in a friendly way. “If you come to me with his fists,” said Woodrow Wilson-I think I can promise you that mine will tighten faster than yours, but if you come to me and say, “Let’s sit and talk and if we disagree, we understand What we disagree, and precisely why we are “, we shall see that the end of the day we are not so far apart that the points we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many, and that if we have the patience and openness and desire necessary to agree to get it. ” “A drop of honey hunting more flies than a gallon of gall.” It also happens to men that if you want to win someone to your cause, you must first convince him that you are a sincere friend. Lincoln said. The softness and friendship are stronger than fury and force.
RULE 5. Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” immediately. When talking to someone, do not start discussing the things in which there is divergence between the two. Begin highlighting-and-continue to highlight the things I agree. Follow-stressing if possible, the two tend to the same end and that the only difference is in method rather than purpose. When a person says no, all the pride you have in your personality required to be consistent with itself. The skillful speaker gets “from the beginning a series of Yes” in response. Talk does not provide benefits, is much more helpful and interesting look at things from the viewpoint of the speaker and make him say “yes, yes” from the beginning. Socratic method: to obtain a “yes, yes.” He asked questions with which his partner had to agree. He kept winning a claim after another, until I had a lot of “ifs” in their favor. He kept asking, until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponent was reaching a conclusion that a few minutes earlier would have strongly rejected. Whoever treads softly goes far.
RULE 6. Let the other person who is talking. Almost all of us, when we try to attract others to our way of thinking, we talk too much, which is a mistake. Let the other person talk. If we disagree with it, we may be tempted to interrupt. But we do not. It’s dangerous. We do not pay attention while still having a lot of ideas of their own that call expression. The truth is that even our friends prefer to speak of his exploits before they hear about ours. Rochefoucauld, French philosopher, said: “If you want enemies than your friends, if you want friends, let your friends will pass.”
RULE 7.Permita that the other person feel that the idea of it. Would not it be wise to make suggestions and let others come to their own conclusion?. Man must be taught as if it was taught and suggest the unknown and forgotten (Alexander Pope). Allow the other person feel that the idea is yours. “The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that it stays below them. The scholar who wants to be above men placed beneath them, which tries to be ahead stands behind them “Lao Tse.
RULE 8. Try honestly to see things from the viewpoint of another person. Remember that the other person might be completely wrong. But she does not. No censorship. What would he think, how would I react if I were in your place?. When interested in the causes is less likely that you dislike the effects. The success in dealing with others depends on a sympathetic grasp the point of view of someone else. “He cooperated effectively in the conversation when you show that considers the ideas and feelings of the other person as important as their own. The way to encourage the listener to be open-minded to our ideas, is to start the conversation by giving clear indication of our intentions, directing what they say so we would like to hear if we were in the shoes of another, and always accepting his views. ”
RULE 9. Be sympathetic with the ideas and desires of another person. Frase bullet for stopping the discussions to eliminate ill feeling, create good will and make him listen carefully: “I can not blame him for feeling how you feel. If I were you, no doubt I would feel in the same way. ” The human species universally craving sympathy.
RULE 10. Appeal to the nobler motives. Usually people have two reasons to do one thing: one reason that seems good and worthy, and the other, the real reason. In order to change people appealed to their nobler motives.
RULE 11. Act out your ideas. Not sufficient to state a truth. We must make it vivid, interesting, dramatic.
RULE 12. Lance, to touch, a gentle challenge. “The way to get things done,” says Charles Schwab is to stimulate competition. I do not speak the sordid stimulates, monetary, but the desire to get ahead. ” “All men have fears, but the brave forget them and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory” Motto of the Royal Guard in ancient Greece. That’s what I love to everyone that wins: the game. The opportunity to express themselves. The chance to show what it’s worth, to excel, to win. The desire to excel. The desire to feel important.
BE A LEADER
The job of a leader is, inter alia, to change the attitude and behavior of its people. Some suggestions for accomplishing this:
RULE 1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. It is always easy to listen to unpleasant things after hearing some praise.
RULE 2. Call attention to the mistakes of others indirectly.
RULE 3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others. It is so difficult to hear an account of the vices if that makes it begins humbly admitting that he too is far from perfect. Admit your mistakes, even if one has not corrected, may help convince the other of the advisability of changing their behavior.
RULE 4. Ask questions instead of giving orders.
Ask questions becomes more acceptable not only orders but often stimulates the creativity of the person asked.
RULE 5. Let the other person save his own prestige. Never thinking that we hurt the pride of others. Although we have reason and the other person is clearly wrong, we will only do damage if you lose face. “I have no right to say or do anything,” wrote A. De Saint-Exupery diminish a man to himself. What matters is not what I think of him but what he thinks of himself. Wounding a man in his dignity is a crime.
RULE 6. Praise the slightest progress, and furthermore, every progress. Is “warm in its approval and generous in his praise. “Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit can not flourish and grow without it. And yet, although most of us are always ready to apply to people the cold wind of criticism, always feel some reluctance when try to give our neighbor the warm glow of praise “commented Jess Leir psychologist. The capabilities wither under criticism; flourish under encouragement.
RULE 7. Attributed to the other person a good reputation to take an interest in maintaining it.
RULE 8. Encourage the other person. Make mistakes seem easy to correct.
RULE 9. Make sure the other person feel happy to do what you suggest.
Hi,
Very interesting and truthful. But for most people very difficult to achieve. The all said is simple but not easy
Recently, I watched few videos by Bob Proctor and I think he is one the evangelists of all or most of the points stated.
I wish that most people were so positive as all wise people mentioned here.
Tomas